confectionery & arsenic

fmylife:

Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched sides of the bed. When the alarm went off, he got confused as to which side the clock was on. Instead of hitting the snooze button like he normally does, he hit me in the face. FML

Wolfman and I are sort of constantly hitting each other in the face or elbowing each other in the ribs or head-butting each other, and not only while half asleep.  At the grocery store, he was rifling through one of those bargain shopping carts while I was looking at a magnificent pumpkin pie recipe in the latest Southern Living, and he accidentally dropped a giant fork on my foot, which bled.  In the check-out line he asked, “So, does this mean I can tell people I stabbed my wife?”  When we got home, he poured rubbing alcohol on my foot and blew on it and bandaged it up for me.